Today, January 24. I just put in a search for elderly abuse. In doing research that is what I do. I discover and I snoop and I look around to get the facts that are available to me. On a google search, I find headlines that were listed today….The Times-Gazette in io talking about elder abuse being prevalent. A woman being hit by a nurse on ABC13. And another on the Detroit Free Press. Does anyone else find this as repulsive as I do? As a society of people, human beings, how could we let it get to the point where our elderly are beat, robbed, and victimized on a daily basis? Are there any good people in the world still yet? Or all we just waiting on our final years to be victimized?
Jack Parkinson, didn’t ask for the hand that he was dealt and neither did the people who are like him. He didn’t ask to live his life planning for his final years to be content ones. He wanted to be a man who owned property until his dying days. His family took that from him and its nothing compared to some of the other abuse stories out there. It breaks my heart to know that so many are suffering. I am soon going to be 41…I’m a mom and a grandparent. If news reports are accurate and 1 in 9 elderly person will become a victim with perhaps as many as 5 reported cases going unreported for every one that is; what does that mean for my generation? Those of us who still have a few years to go before we turn 60 and our chances of being abused increase? It is terrifying to consider and kind of makes you question what do we fight so hard for in our life if we know that one day someone will decide that they want what we have and take it from us simply because they do not approve of our ways or feel that we are inadequate?
The term elderly abuse should be put on a list that none of us is allowed to have to even think. It is a dirty word in my opinion. The problem is; to ignore it or pretend that it is not a problem, allows it to happen more often. To make it stop; we have to raise elderly abuse awareness. We have to show that our elder generations do not deserve what is happening to them. Each day, someone else becomes a victim and each day, someone gets away with it. Are you ready to take a stand and fight for your elders or yourself when the time comes? It starts now. Let us see what we can do for people, who like my father, have suffered; before they have to feel the pain that comes with elder abuse.
Raising Elder Abuse Awareness
There are several elder abuse risk factors that you need to be aware of. In the situation that my dad was subjected to; he was the perfect storm. Dementia and Depression. Had I been more aware of it, my dad may have stood a better chance to have his dying wishes come true. You see, his family told me before it happened what was going to happen. They wanted the land my father built. Pure and simple greed. I expected them to have a heart that would ensure they understood the devotion that my father and I had to the property. When he was diagnosed with dementia, he immediately became more susceptible to elder abuse and I never saw it coming. I was blind. Dementia is a primary risk factor. A person who has dementia is more trusting of their family because they depend on them more. My dad’s situation was a culmination of a lot of things. The family felt that I was neglectful and they didn’t like the people I had coming around my home. My dad would get upset with me over tiny things and they would dive in to try and convince him of bad stuff that I was going to do. For instance, talking about Allen being around the house and wanting to take possession of it so that he could turn it into a junkyard. At one time, my dad was convinced that I may be stealing from him. Within days of taking me off his checking account; my dad added me back to it because he knew that he had been wrong. A person with dementia can be convinced of anything, especially if the person talking to them is able to talk quickly. His brother has a smile that could charm serpents, and he uses it well. I’ve seen him try to twist my dad up on many occasions, the latest being the one that got eviction papers going. It is befitting that some call him a snake.
What Causes Elderly Abuse?
You may think that elderly abuse is black and white, but it isn’t clear-cut. Elder abuse happens because of a variety of reasons. Envy over what the elder has, physical abuse as a child under the now elderly person, and much more. Some people become abusive simply because they had too much to drink and got upset with the elder in their care. There could be a variety of reasons for the elder abuse to begin; in the case of my dad, it was family land that they didn’t feel myself, my son, or my father deserved. They all try to say I am a horrible caregiver for my father, but they have proven to be worse than me. I take him to doctors, I call him to check on him, I take him to buy groceries, and more. They simply give him an eviction notice. Since there aren’t any clear-cut elderly abuse causes; you have to think about the elderly people in your life and watch for changes in their behavior.
How to Spot Elder Abuse
Knowledge is power. If you suspect elder abuse, start checking things out. My dad was having mind games played on him long before D-day when his brother took him to a lawyer. I was blind…I ignored it. My dad would invite Allen over to the house or talk about me owning the property. He was saying he would sign it over to me “NOW” rather than have me wait for his death. Then, he would get so mad at me and say that I didn’t deserve the property and that Allen was trying to move in and he felt for sure that I was going to let it happen. It would change rapidly and it would be daily. He would tell me to invite Allen over and then get mad because Allen showed up. I’d tell Allen to stay away because I was catching hell for it, and dad would call him to say come over. I was the monkey in the middle and unable to do anything right. I found out later by my dad and this by his brother that during that time, his brother was saying Allen was going to move in and take over, trash up the yard, and more. I might have been able to stop it if only I had been more prepared to see it. I never dreamed family could be that cruel to one of their own. They say I didn’t deserve it. My dad lived in a dirty home. I admit it. I would clean it and he would immediately trash it. At least I gave him food when he wanted it and made sure he went to doctors when he was supposed to. They only helped him until they stole his land. I’ve been there even after he had nothing to give. Who do you think is the better person?
Other examples of elderly abuse may involve the elder having bruises or sores from abuse. They may become withdrawn. They may go from having money in their pocket to being broke or having to borrow money from others. They may have things that they value, personal property, that they give up to someone else even though you know that they wouldn’t be giving it up under normal circumstances. Abuse comes in so many different ways and there are no clear elderly abuse examples for you to follow or consider. You simply have to keep in mind that you know your loved one and if something does not seem right; chances are good that it isn’t right.
Apparently, it isn’t just veterans those people will kick out. My dad got an eviction notice today. He took it very well…but it has ticked me off to no end. My dad, at 71 years old should not have to be thinking about where to live tomorrow? They gave him two weeks to move out. They say he needs to vacate the property that he has lived on for the past 30 years by the end of this month. Two weeks to pick up his entire life. Two weeks to leave the home that he and my mom built together. Two weeks to walk away from where he buried her ashes. Can you imagine the pain that he is holding inside of his heart? It was hard for me when they evicted me. It was one of the worst days for me…but I know it was nothing compared to my dad getting that notice today. How can families do that to their own? The eviction notice says that they fear for their safety because my dad, his nephew Allen and I have threatened them. I videoed the confrontation. My dad’s brother was saying that dad had said he was going to kill Allen and my dad said lifted a finger and said I could kill you. That was threatening. LOL As bad a shape as my dad is in right now, a finger is about all that he can lift, and they feel threatened? During all of this, I was telling people to calm down and let the brother speak. The only thing I have ever threatened is to make sure that everyone knows what was done to my dad. I don’t want anyone else to have to go through what my dad is going through. The threat from my dad’s nephew came after his dad basically called him a chicken. It is all on video. The brother double talking my dad trying to mess up his mind.
Why in the hell can’t they leave my dad alone? He wants to live his life, die in his home, and be buried with his wife. That’s it. In the eviction notice, they say that dad didn’t maintain the cleanliness that they provided…They cleaned once in 8 months. They did a half-assed job on it and the nurse was going to throw away her filthy socks after walking on the floor she just mopped? How long was he supposed to maintain? They say they got rid of old food; that’s all good, but they didn’t replace the food they threw away and none of them even offered to take him to a grocery store. Do you think they threw away his food and brought him dinner that night? NO. They threw away what little he had and said we are done…deal with it. They threw away the cord to his electric frying pan. They threw away bottles of iodine and some of the other older style medications that he and my mom had. Does iodine really go bad? Does frying pan cords? They say he eats rotten food and they won’t be held liable, but they do not volunteer to do him any favors. They wanted me off the property because they claimed I wasn’t taking care of him, yet when I lived there he had food at least once a day and would walk to my house for leftovers if he wanted it. But they are better?
My dad is 71…he is in bad health. He has an income of $700 a month and they want him to move away? They want him to vacate immediately so they can come in and tear down the things he built with his two hands alongside my mom. And this 71-year-old man is trying to figure out what he needs to do to be able to build a new home for himself, how he will survive long enough to build a home for himself, because that is all he knows how to do. He has never lived in a home that he didn’t put effort into building. Do you think they care? Watch for a video page…It’s coming soon. I want the world to see what type of double talking his brother was doing, and though I, unfortunately, cannot show the finger action that my dad did that was so much a threat, I think you will get the idea. I can’t show faces cause that could possibly be damaging to their “reputation”. But I truly wish you could see how giddy his brother was over the confrontation. He had a smug smile from start to finish and with my dad being just home from the hospital; dad played into his hands.
I do not know how, but I am going to get my dad’s story out there. I write for two people who have a good working knowledge of all things internet…I have asked for their help in making sure that people know my dad’s name. They make their living off SEO and all things similar. I was hoping to get this noticed without asking for help, but I am now asking for help. Please, help me by sharing my blog. Share it anywhere you can share it. I’m not seeking money. I’m not seeking personal fame. I am seeking to find a way to ensure that Jack Parkinson is not forgotten. I am seeking to find a way to put a true end to elderly abuse and all the pain that it causes people like my dad.
It is truly heartbreaking to see the changes in my dad over the last couple months since I had to move away. Since my mom passed away on July 1, 2012, my dad has kept her urn on his dining room table in front of the window that looks out to the memorial stone he built for her and where he put her ashes. He would wake in the morning and talk to her over coffee. He would tell her good night at the end of a day. He would pick roses that he planted inside the memorial so that she could “smell” them when he placed them near her urn. Now, he has stopped talking to her. He tells me that he doesn’t know what to say to her. He feels that if she were here she would hate him for what he has done. He feels he gave her and everything she built away. He says she is angry with him and he does not feel that he deserves to talk to her. Talking to her and growing the roses for her memory is what kept him strong enough to fight and live. He is so sad. I see it in his eyes. He gets upset if I am not there often, even though he knows that I cannot be there all the time now. His house isn’t large enough for me and my son along with my grandson. If he had two or three bedrooms, I would have gladly moved in with him. I know he misses his talks to my mom…but I sometimes wonder what it would mean to him to wake up and walk over to my home, the one on his property that he shared with my mom, and have a cup of coffee with me like we use to do. It was our morning routine. The only exception was between Feb28 when I wrote the note telling my uncle he had struck out at me and up until he told me that if I paid my uncle ,000 I could have the land back. He later decided that he needed to clear up the total with his brother…it was just one more time that his brother would duck and dodge on him.
My dad talks often of the trust that he had put into his brother and how he should have known better than to trust in him. He talks often of the fact that if it had not been for him loaning his brother money, the brother and his wife would not have been able to get married. My dad gave them $900 a lifetime ago and the brother has yet to pay my father back. Dad shouldn’t have paid them to get married…They should have had to struggle for what they wanted. However, since they obviously didn’t want to pay it back, perhaps they aren’t as happy as they pretend??? LOL I don’t know…Perhaps the brother should have asked the sister for money…She has taken more than enough trips down the aisle. She probably knows by now how to do it for free. I think there has been like 7-8 marriages under her belt????and her daughter isn’t much better from what I’ve heard. oh well, those are stories for another day…
For today, I want to talk about the picture I’m adding. It was taken last Aug. 2015. My dad was sent to the hospital with massive kidney/urinary issues. His bladder was holding water and they had to help him relieve himself. He was talking crazy things just 24 hours before this photo was taken. I was so happy to see his smile that day. I couldn’t resist taking a picture of him. He was instantly better, though a cath was necessary for a couple days. Because of that, I sent him to a nursing home for care. During his first couple days in the home, I got a message from his sister. Her daughter wanted to talk about buying dad out again. I told my dad about it, but he said that they could go “F” themselves. He wasn’t selling out to them. Especially not with the way they talked to me in a few messages that he saw. He wanted me to have the land….he walked away from the highest offer to date….$60,000 for his land. His niece made the offer. Now, my dad has lost the land and didn’t get a dime. Do you think that is fair? Not to mention, my dad may lose his SSI income, his medicaid, and more if we do not get it back soon. He has also lost his rights to be cared for in a nursing home facility. Why? because in the eyes of the government, he gave his property away when he should have asked for money and sold out. They feel if he has the money to give his home away, then he shouldn’t need healthcare or additional help from the government. This has all been told to us through lawyers. That is why we cannot give up the fight. His brother sentenced him to death and they do not care. My dad cooks his own meals, when he can, instead of me cooking for him nightly. He may lose his discounted medication and the possibility of nursing home care when it is needed again. All because of the greed of his brother…so that his brother can drive a new vehicle and pretend that he is the better, smarter man, for it. I am not sure if it is a moral deficiency between him and his wife or an issue with the state laws. I HOPE to battle both and I will do so if I can gain enough support from my readers.